Da lolo mall online shopping

[Holonalu]

Eh!!!!!!!!! All you kane, as in men out deah, an maybe even a few of dose wahines out deah,,,,,,,,,,,, well,,,,,,,,,,,, maybe not,,,, as we all no, none of kane stay gettin any da kine younger, specially once you stay pass tirty, tings juss staht fo change already!!!!! Maybe da opu, as in stomach, is gettin a little momona, an da old opihi pickas you wen wear in high scool is now juss a little tight. Maybe your makas are gettin tired, so you gotta wea da kine glasses!!!!! An, maybe worse mos of all, you stay looson you haih!!!!! DASS RIGHT, YOU STAY LOSIN DA HAIH RIGHT OFF DA TOP OF YOUR GOIN BALLED PO'O!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Eh, how can you tell, juss try look in da showers drain aftah you you take da once weekly showah,,,,,,,,,,, wat you stay seein????????? PENNY HAIH!!!!!! (if da haih is all short an da kine reddish, juss foget it already, dat was from washin da dog in da tub,,,) BUT, if it is your hair, den you get big da time pilikia, cause DA HAIH SPOSED BE ON TOP DA PO'O!!!! NOT IN DA SHOWAH DRAIN!!!!!!!!!! HOW YOU GOIN ACK ALREADY???????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now, I no yo stay tinkin, "maybe I juss scoop da haih out of da shower drain, dry em off, an crazy glue em back on,,,,,,,,,,,", WELL, WHO HASN'T TAUGHT OF DAT ALREADY!!!!!!!! But, dat crazy glue is goin give you plenny da kine dandruff, an, IS GOIN DRIVE YOU LOLO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AN, DIS IS, IF YOU DID'N GUEST EM ALREADY, SHAME ON YOU!!!!!!!! DA UN, DA ONLY, DA NON PASTEURIZED AN NOT EVEN ALLOWED ON DA MAINLAN ANYMOH, UNCLE LOLO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WIT SOMETIN SO GREAT, YOU ONLY GOIN WONDER, "SHOOTS, HOW COME I NEVAH WEN TINK OF DIS GENIOUSESES IDEA ALREADY!!!!" Well, it's 2:27 in da am's hea in lovely Waimanalo town, up by da quarry, Kimojimo an his SO, day stay waitin for see da Green Comet, an is usin one Okolehau bottle as one periscope to get one bettah view,,,, tell you wat, nough Okolehau an you don' even need a Green Comet to see one!!! But, we stay gettin off track hea, dis haih loss problem is givin you pilikia, da wahines no even look at you anymo, (less, of course, you stay wearin 12" Redondo Hot Portugee Suasuge in your briefs!!!! EH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DON KNOCK IT TILL YOU TRY IT!!!!!!! Or you is like hanai nephew Russell, in which case you put one half teriyaki chicken down your briefs,,,, seem to work for him!!) So, you stay askin yoselve, "what does Uncle Lolo get for da recession hairline?", Well I goin tell you wat,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, try wait,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,I no da suspensions is killah already,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, we get,,,,, HAWAIIAN SEAWEED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEPS, DASS 125% CORRECT, HAWAIIAN SEAWEED!!!!!!!!! EH, GET EIDER OGO, OR LIMU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, JUSS TAKE YOUR PICK!!!!! IN TREE DIFREN COLORS!!!!! RED, BROWN, OR BLACK!!!!!!!!!! Of course, da ogo is for you kane out dea who like da really tick haih, an da limu is fo dose who like dat BIG AN FULL look!!!!! How I goin attach dis????, you stay askin??? WIT DOUBLE SIDED KAILUA DUCK TAPE!!!!! MADE FROM REAL KAILUA DUCKS!!!!!! EH, WEN DA STUFF STICKS,,,, IT STAYS STUCK!!!!!. An, not only is dis seaweed haih one hunred percen biodegradable, it also edibel!!!!!! (Dose of you who stay suffrin from one "edible" complex may wan to be careful,) An , wit your new haih, you can shower, take one bath, (course, if you had one 401K, or money invested wit Bernie Madeoff, as in made off wit your kala, you half already taken one bath!!!) an, mose importanly, you can swim wit it!!!! Not cause you wan two, BUT CAUSE YOU GOT TO!!!!! HOW ELSE YOU GOIN KEEP DAT BEAUTIFUL FULL PO'O OF HAWAIIAN SEAWEED HAIH GROWIN ODDAH WISE!!!!!! So, once evry few days, juss go down da beach, an swim fo bout one hour,,, but,, look out for da ho'nu, as in turtle, day is about as crazy fo o'go an limu as Russells ex ex ex almos was da kine future ex girlfrien is fo da kine teriyaki chicken!!!! Howevahs, if you find yourself in need of a slight trim, da ho'nu can help you out,,,,,, Go figur!!!! An, also watch out for crabs gettin in your new da kine haih, an I don mean uku's, I mean real crabs!!!!!!!! Could come in handy at lunch time dough!!!! So, yu stay askin, "Eh!!!! Uncle Lolo,,, wats da coss on dis great new product??????", Well, sit down an hold onto your okole, da price is only,,,, TWENNY TWO DOLLAH AND FIFTY TWO SEVENY-FIVE!!!!!!! HOW GREAT IS DAT!!!!!!! AN, IF YOU ACK RIGHT NOW, AS IN RIGHT NOW, WE GOIN ALSO TRO IN, FO ABSOLUTELY FREE, cept fo sligh shippin an handlin, maybe 42 dollah tree eighty, plus 200% tax, CHESS HAIH!!!!!!! DASS RIGHT, O'GO OR LIMU CHESS HAIH!!!!!!! YOU GOIN LOOK JUSS LIKE MAGNUM PO!!!!!!!! I MEAN PI!!!!!!!!, AN, WHY STOP DEA!!????? Eh, wat do da tihtahs an toohtas in lovely Nalo town really like,,, da SO wit, BACK HAIH!!!!!!!! LYE CHOKE ALREADY!!!!!!! DRIVES DA WAHOONIES WILD!!!!!! AN, WHILE YOUR AT IT,,,,,, GET SOME BUTT HAIH TWO!!!!!! DASS RIGHT, HAWAIIAN SEAWEED BUTTHAIH!!!!!!! DA WAHOONIES GOIN BE FOLLOWING YOU ROUND LYE CRAZY!!!!!!!! Course, wit da butthaih, nevh sit down if you get one sea crab back dea, cause, you no whea dat little guy goin hele to, as in run, wen he senses disaster??????!!!!!!!!!!!! Well, NEVAH MIND DAT,JUSS ORDER TODAY, AN LOOK BETTER TOMMORROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ANYWAYS, DIS OFFAH IS JUSS CRAZY ALREADY!!!!! AN, SO AM I, UNCLE LOLO!!!!!!! Sorry, it's too late fo da free stuff offer,,,,,,,,, but, WHO CARES!!!!!!!

da kiapolo made me do it

[PikakePua]

X
_________________
http://2812052.myzrii.com/

[Holonalu]

Eh!!! You no wat???!!!!! You evah look back on your da kine life, lye wen you was one keiki?????? An you get dose special mammeries,,,,,,,,, try wait!! EH, RUSSELL!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHAT, I STAY BUSY ALREADY!!!!!!!

BUSY DOIN WAT YOU PUPULE HAPA KANAKA PORTUGEE!!!!??????

FILLIN OUT ONE APPLICATION!!!!!

WAT, FO ONE JOB???? TAUGHT YU WEN GET JOB ALREADY!!!!!!

YU ALREADY GET ONE DA KINE JOB!!!!!! I'M FILLIN OUT APLICATION FO FREE MONEY FROM DA KINE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT BAILOUT PROGRAM!!!!!

WELL, WILE YOU STAY AT IT, FILL ONE OUT FO ME!!!!!!!! WATS UP WIT DIS "SPECIAL MAMMERIES" KUKAE??????!!!!!!!!

TAUGHT WE WAS WRITIN BOUT CARMEN!!!!!!

NOPES!!!!!! CHANGE EM ALREADY!!!!!

OKAY!!!!!

Kudish, dat Russell, can use his head fo pound poi already, an, if he wants to bailout, juss go flyin wit Captain Frietis!!!! Well, as I was sayin, you get dose special da kine memories from your keiki days, not da way back keiki days, but da times wen you was in high skool, you was maybe one junior for da tird time, was all in luv wit da cheerleader, who was only one sophmore, but was one yeah olda dan you, an, wat would you do, in da back of dat 1952 Desoto????????? Well, we wo'n go deah, but wen you was all da kine gettin hot an boddad in da back of dat Desoto you was also lisnen to da mele, as in music, an, I do'n mean juss anykine da kine music, I mean da classic da kines!!!! Da kine you still remember today!!! An, who is dis on da intranet da kine radio phone ting at 2:27 in da am's hea in lovely Waimanalo, (eh, if you nevah wen guess em already, den you should stop usin your po'o as a poi pounder, cause you get brainial damages already!!) dis is UNCLE LOLO!!!!! WIT PRICES SO LOW LOW, DAT I MUSS BE?????????????????????? Okeydokes,,,, as you no, we wen had so many special da kine stuff in da pass, da ogo or limu hair, da gecko toilet seat, da lectric hahdhat fo make you stop smokin, (hope Pua is usin hers), da glass bottom bus tours of Waikiki wit da bus wit no bottom, da skydivin trips wit Captain Frietis, eh, da list juss goes on an on an on, an den goes on some mo!!!!! Kine of lye predictible motions!!!! So, I no you stay askin already, "Eh, Uncle Lolo, wat you get dis mornin??", well, dis is wat we get, DA 12 BESS MUSICAL DA KINE SONGS OF ALL TIME!!!!!! LOCAL STYLE, AN SUNG BY YOUR FAVORITE SINGERS!!!!!! So, less go write to da firs song,,,,,,,,,,, who could foget, Tom Petty an da Heartbreakers, an dis great hit, "Don't want to live like a refugee", sung by Nephew #13

I been crawlin on da walls da floor da cahpet an da ceilin, da da,, da da da
You keep wackin at me wit da rubbah slippah lye I ain't got no feelins, da da,,,, da da da
Well my legs are plenny tired ya see, an dis popcorn ceilin is juss killin me!!!
Singin, OH, YEA LIVIN LYE ONE CENTIPEDE, DO'N WAN LIVE LYE NO CENTIPEDE!!!!!!

EH, IS DAT GREAt OR WAT!!!!! JUSS MAKES YOU WANNA GET ON DA CIELIN AN DANCE!!!!!! An, our nex hit, who could possibly foget da kine Paul an Paula, an dere forgetable hit, "Opala", as sung by Nephew #2,,,,

OOOOOH, Opala, I gotta bury you
OOOOOH, Opala, I tink your time is finely tru
You stay all pilau, an plenny hauna too
Opala, I gotta bury you, an maybe da trash can too...
Opala,,,,,,,,,,,,,Opala,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

EH, WAYS TO GO NEPHEW #2!!!!! An, who could foget dis nex great hit, frum da Boss hisself, " Racing in the Strrets", as performed by Nephew #16,,,,

I found a 98 Integra wit a semi-built block
Toda heads, an a shortshiff on da floor
She' waitin fo me out in da pahkin lot
At da Kapolei Safeway Store
Me an da bruddahs wen fine her juss da oddah day
An we goin rescue em late tonight
Den we goin go race em on da H1
As long as dere's no blue lights in sight
We goin drive em down to my Uncles house
Whea we goin strip em bare
Goin sell all da pahts dat we can
An keep all da ress as spares,,,,,,,,,
We rescue all da Hondas dat we fine
Some go on da barge, lookin fo new homes
But me an da Bruddahs always take da kne
Deres no Honda dat we wo'n leave alone,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

EH, YOU NO WAT, NEPHEW #16, DAT JUSS WEN BRING TEAR TO MY EYE!!!!! (Dose nephews, nevah tink of nobody but demselfs!!!) An, now, our nex great hit, "My Boyfriends Back", as performed by da one, da only, da only partially rebuildable, CARMEN!!!!!!!!

My boyfrienth back ith really kind of harry,,,,,,,,,,
Heyah,,,,,,,,Heyah,,,,, my boyfrienth back
He geth tho much hair thath ith really kind of thcary
Heyah,,,,,,,,Heyah,,,,, my boyfrienth back
If he don't thave it thoon I'm goin to be leavin in a hurry
Heyah,,,,,,,,Heyah, ,,, my boyfrienth back
Or maybe juth thpray it with three coath of Nair
Heyah,,,,,,,,Heyah,,,,, my boyfrienth backOhhhhh, juth wat wath he tinkin, maybe he wath out with Frietih drinkin

AH HUI HO ON DAT GREAT PERFOMANCE BY CARMEN!!!!!, An, now, anoddah great one, from dat old Bob Dylan classic, " I got you babe", as performed by KimoJimo an his SO,

chirp chirp chirp chirpchirpchirpchirp, chirp chirp chirp,,,,chirp chirp chirp,,chirp chirp chirp,,,,,,,,

TRY WAIT ALREADY!!!!!!!!! EH!!!!!! KIMOJIMO!!!!! WTF DA FRICK IS ALL DIS "CHIRPIN" BS!!!!!!!

Well, it's Geckoese, and this song is being sung by two geckos,,,,,

Taught you wen get rid of dat pilikai alredy, you know, unerstanning da geckos an all???????!!!

Not quite,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Oh well, less juss move onto our nex great song, as done by Captain Frietis, singin dat great oldy by da Rollin Stones, "HonkyTonk Woman",,,,
Hit it Captain Frietis!!!!!!

I met her, Tihta Bar Room Queen at Harrys
She was sittin, at the far end of the bar,
I stumbled over, looking out for puddles
Asked her name, and I knew we wouldn't get far
She's a terrrrrriiiiiiiiiii erriiiiiii chicken woman, and she gives me, give me, gives me, the teriyaki chicken blues
999,999,999, bottles of, uuuurrrrppp, scuze me, beer on the wall, 999,999,999 bottles of beer, you take one down, don't pass it around, 999,999,, uuuurrrrpppp, scuze me, 998 bottles of beer on the wall,,,,,

WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT DA FIRCK WAS DAT ALL BOUT CAPTAIN FRIETIS!!!!!? DATS NOT DA SONG!!!!!!

Sorry, was just, uuuurrrrpppp, scuze me, day dreaming,,,,,,

Oh well, now fo da nex great song on dis twelve song 14 disk CD package da kine special,, Eh, who can foget dat great da kine song, "Margaritaville", performed by da legendary Jimmy Buffet,,,,,,,,,,,,,so

EH, UNCLE!!!!!!!!!!

WTF DA FRICK IS IT NOW RUSSELL??????!!!!

DA BUFFET GET DA KINE TERIYAKI CHICKEN????!

RUSSELL, YOU PUPULE HAPA KANAKA PORTUGEE, ITS "JIMMY BUFFET!!!!!!" NOT BUFFET!!!!!!
WELL, DOES JIMMYS BUFFET GET DA KINE TERIYAKI CHICKEN???????

RUSSELL!!!!!!!!!!! EH, I GIVE UP ALREADY,,,,,,,,,,,,, I DO'N NO RUSSELL, TRY CALL DA GUY ALREADY!!!!!!!

WILL DO, TANKS!!!!!

Dat Russell, so, singin da local da kine Margaritiville, we get nephew #7,,,,,,,, let her rip nephew!!!

Sittin here in da cahport
Stay watchin Russell try fo sort
Da chicken wings from da tighs an da breasts
Its makin him lolo
An he doin it so slow
Cause dis teriyaki chicken muss be da bess
Marinatin hea in Waimanalo town
Pretty soon I tink Russell stay da kine pau
Some people say, da awa juice was to blame
But I tink,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, It was da okolehau,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Absotively da bessess yet on dis fantastic CD set, of CD's!!!!!!!1, eh, how dat one wen sneak in dere??????? Well, our nex greatess hit, is,,,,,,,,,,

[Holonalu]

Eh, you get sometin stay buggin you, you no, makin you juss a little crazy already???! Get somtin stay fly up your da kine niele, as in nose, or into da waha, as in mout, eh, maybe da little suckas stay tryin fly into your,,, you no what!!!!!!! Well, if dat is da case, remain seated, or at leas make sure your undahwheas is plenny tight!!!!! An, wat we stay talkin bout you lye ask??????? FRUITYFLIES!!!!!! I MEAN BAZILLIONS OF EM!!!!!!! ALL OVAH DA PLACE!!!!! EVEN MO WORSE DAN LASS TIME!!!!!!!!! Das right, we get da annual fruityflies attack once again, an day is evrywhea!!!!!! In your food, in your lua, in your da kine clothes!!!! Even in your beer!!!!!

Uuuurrrrpppp, scuze me, did you say in your,,,,, beer?????????

Captain Frietis, juss wat you stay doin hea?????????

I've got the redeye, and I do mean the redeye, into Honolulu in a few hours, thought I'ld get a little shuteye in your carport,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Okeydokes,,,,,,,,,,,, so, as I was sayin,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Uhhmmmm, excuse me Uncle Lolo, but are fruityflies in your,, uuuurrrrpppp, scuze me, beer, an aquired taste???????

Go back moe moe already Captain Frietis,,,, so, as I was sayin, dea is fruityflies everywhea. An , who eats da fruityflies, da geckos, but, I tell you wat, dose little mo'os had nough already!!!! I mean day stay gettin all da kine momona nui, as in plenny fat!!!!!! Day know can even stay on da ceilin anymo, and stay slidin down da slidin glass door!!!!! Which, makes da geckos nervous, an da popokis hungry!!!!!! An, wat good is one nervous gecko anyways????????? So, it stay 2:27 in da mornin hea in lovely Waimanalo, up by da quarry, an, juss in case you nevah wen guest em already, dis is Uncle Lolo, an we stay broacating live on da intranet radio ting!!!!! Dis mornin, we get one special guess stah, Kimojimo, who stay rentin paht of da cahport wit his SO... I should da kine mension, dat KimoJimo is da only persons in Hawaii dat speaks Geckoese, as in da kine geckotalk,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, So, KimoJimo, juss wat do you make of dis prediciments???????

Well, I have to say, that it is a little troublesome,,,,, I mean there are just SOOOOOOO many fruitflies,,, and SOOOOOOOO few of our little gecko friends, that the geckos just can't keep up!!!! Kind of a case,,,

Did someone say,, uuuurrrrpppp, scuze me, Case???????????

Eh, kudish!!!! Captain Frietis, go back sleep already!!!! Dat guy!!!!!! So, Kimojimo, you was sayin????

Yes, I was sayin that it is quite simply a case,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, thats better, of supply exceeding demand by a very wide margin,,,,,,,,

An, as one experts on da kine geckos, juss wat would you da kine recommendations????????????

Well, we either have to increase demand, which is unlikely in the short term, or decrease supply, which seems like a farily difficult thing to do, seeing as the supply is already out there, and reproducing at an alarming rate..

So, any oddah taught on a mattah???

Well, my SO, Keoki, has suggested that we could bring in starving geckos from third world countries, you know, Madagaskar, Ethiopia, Canada, etc, and they could increase demand, resulting in a loss in supply,,,,,,

An, juss wen did Keoki cum up wit dis idea??????

Well,,,,,,,,,,,,,, we were sitting here in the carport this morning, on our lovely embroidered beach chairs, they're very festive!!! Enjoying the view of the quarry, when a big,,,, fat, and I do mean fat,,, I should know, always watching my weight, and Keokis,,,,,,,,,,,,, well, this gecko fell off the ceiling, right into Keokis iced tea,,,, after, of course, bouncing off his bald head!!!!

Is he da kine okay??????

No concussion, but I suspect a slight bruise,,,,,,,,

I do'n mean Keoki!!!!! Wen mean da gecko!!!!

Oh yes, he should be just fine,,,

So, tell me, Kimojimo, seeing as you can unerstan da kine geckoese, juss wat da geckos stay talkin bout???

Jenny Craig,,,,,,

Juss wat you mean, Jenny Craig??????

Well, the geckos, especially the wahine, bless there little hearts, are rather concerned about this sudden wight gain, and are worried that their SOGs,,,may no longer find them to be attractive,,,,

Just WTF is a SOG??????

Significant other Gecko,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, they do like to maintain that svelte gecko'y shape, and it is really embarassing when they fall off a ceiling, or slide down the sliding glass door, into the mouth of a,,,,,,,,,,, I'ld rather not think it!!!!!!!!!!! So, what our little, well, maybe not so little ceiling crawling, or falling off of the ceiling, frineds are asking for is a fruitfly, that is less filling, and tastes great,,,,,,,, futhermore,,,,

Did somebody say, less filling, and tastes,, uuuurrrrpppp, scuze me, great!!!!!?????????????

CAPTAIN FRIETIS!!!!!! JUSS GO BACK SLEEP ALREADY!!!!!!!!! So, da geckos lye some fruityflies dat is less filling?????????

Yes, so they can lose some weight!!!!! And they would also appreciate itt if they didn't have to spend so much time on the ceiling, a number of them have vertigo you know,,,,,,,,

Well, Kimojimo, is'n dat da kine somtin, who would a taught dat geckos was afraid of small spaces,,,,,,,,,?

Actually, Uncle Lolo, vertigo is a fear of heights,,,,,,,,,,, Anyhoo, they would also like those night hours cut back a bit, and are requesting about 3 billion dollars in Federal Bailout money,,,,

An, juss wat day goin do wit da kala, as in money????

They plan to build "GECKO WORLD", right here in lovely downtown Waimanalo, with all kinds of great rides, such as "The Ceiling Walker", "Sliding down the glass", and, my favorite, "Crapping on some haoles head at 30 feet!!!" Isn't that just grand??????

Yea, guest so,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, So, now, as if dat was'n enuff already, we come back to da begining, whea we was askin,, "Is somtin buggin you?????". Well, as we all already no, dea juss ain enuff money fo go aroun dese days, well, sure, it may go round, but does it stop in your li'ma, as in hand, KINDOF DOUT IT!!!!! Whea das dat money end up, in da hands of somebody who probably get too much anyways!!!!!! So, you gotta be real careful wit wat you already stay get!!!! Da cah, if you get one, da cahport, no can go witout dat, da Spam supply, of course da rice an shoyu, da wahine, well, maybe, da ohana, EH, JUSS ANYKINE!!!! But, wat, you stay askin, half you gotta really keep your maka, as in eye, on???????? YOUR FRIGGIN RUBBAH SLIPPAHS!!!!!!!! DASS RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!! EH, WAT SAYS YOU,,,, MORE DAN YOUR RUBBAH SLIPPAHS!!!!!!! WAT GETS YOU CROSS DA STREET TO DA SEVEN LEVEN, RAIN OR SHINE?????????? YOUR RUBBAH SLIPPAHS!!!!!!!! WAT IS ALWAYS DERE JUSS BEGGIN FO TAKE YOU OUT FO ONE SPIN??????????? YOUR RUBAAH SLIPPAHS!!!!!! WHAT STAY DA KINE DEA, DAY OR NIGHT, UA OR SHINE, ALWAYS READY FO GET UP AN GO???????? YOUR RUBBAH SLIPPAHS!!!!!!!!!!! AN, WEN YOU GO DA KINE PAHTY, YOU GOTTA LEAVE YOUR BRAN NEW, WELL, YEAR OLD MAX, 18 DOLLAH ONE PAIH, RUBBAH SLIPPAHS WHEA???????? OUTSIDE DA HOUSE!!!! AN, WEN YOU STAY READY FOR SPLIT DA PAHTY, WHAT IS GONE!!!!!!!!!!! YOUR ALMOS BRAN NEW 18 DOLLAH WIT COUPON AT LONGS RUBBAH SLIPPAH!!!!!!! WHY IS DAT?????????? CAUSE SOMEBODY WEN COCKAROACH SO DAY COULD UPGRADE AT YOUR EXPENSE!!!!!!! AN, WAT YOU GET LEFF??????????? ONE REALLY OLD PILAU HAUNA NUI PAIH RUBBAH SLIPPAHS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Eh, dos dis happen to you all da time?????? You one of da lass fo leave da pahty, cause day wen run out of cold beer,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

BEER!!!!!???????????????? UUUURRRRPPPP, SCUZE ME, DID SOMEBODY SAY BEER!!!!!!!!????????????

CAPTAIN FRIETIS!!!!!! GO BACK SLEEP ALREADY!!!! Kudish an jeez, dat guy!!!! So, you stay leavin da pahty, somebody wen leave almos ready fo blowout paih of rubbah slippahs, an wen made off wit yours!!!! How can you make sure dis nonsenses dos'n happen again?????? Well, you could juss take your slippahs an slip em down da front of your board shorts, (Eh, wondah if dat is why day call em slippah), day would be all da kine protected, an would be protectin your aala's as well, but da wahines would be givin you dat strange look, (do'n ass me how I know), you could take some string an tie em round your neck, dat would be great at Halloween pahties, juss tell evrybody you is one Hilo Hatties display, but, it's not Halloween evryday. Well, you stay wonderin, "Eh, Uncle Lolo, juss how can I protec my big 18 dollah invesmen????" Well, I goin tel you how, REMOVABLE RUBBAH SLIPPAH TOE TING!!!!! OR, AS WE HEA AT LOLO RESEARCH LYE CALL EM, DA RRSTT!!!!!!!!!! AN JUSS WAT IS DA RRSTT YU STAY ASKIN???????? Eh, you no dat ting dat goes between your big toe an da one nex door on your rubbah slippah????? Well, no one nos da name of it, so we is juss goin call em, "Da Ting!!", an, wat stay happen wen you no mo "Da Ting", eh, YOU AI'N GOIN ANYWHEA, LEASS NOT IN YOUR DA KINE SLIPPAHS!!!!!! So, wat we get is da new, "Quick Da Ting Release", dass right, juss pull up on diss little lever, an "Da Ting" is goin pop right out!!!!! Nobody goin cockaroach your favorite rubbah slippahs, as long as you get Uncle Lolo's RRSTT!!!!!! HOW GREAT IS DIS!!!!????????? DO'N EVEN ASS ALREADY!!!!!! SO, FOR ONLY 28 NINEY FIVE TWO SIXTY, YOU GOIN GET NOT ONE, BUTT TWO, RRSTT!!!!! WHY WAIT!!!!! LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO BE WORRRYIN BOUT YOUR RUBBAH SLIPPAHS ALL DA TIME!!!!! ACK NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Aloha and okolemaluna

[kani-lehua]

_________________
"chaos reigns within.
reflect, repent and reboot.
order shall return."

micorsoft error message with haiku poetry

[PikakePua]

Hey Holonalu,
You ona roll dude. !!!
_________________
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[Holonalu]

Eh!!!! It stay wela wela out or wat?!!!!! I mean wela like da kine hot!!!! Specially up hea by da quarry in lovely Waimanalo, whea it is like cookin already!!! An,why is dat? Why is it so wela nui? CAUSE ITS JULY!!!!! AN, WHAT DOES JULY MEAN TO YOU OUT DEA ON DA INTRANET DA KINE RADIO TING? CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!! christmas???????? WTF???? Try wait,,,,,EH, RUSSELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! RUSSELL!!!!!!!!!!!! EH, YOU PUPULE HAPA KANAKA PORTUGEE!!!!!!!!! GET OUT HEA ALREADY!!!!!!!

I NO LIKE!!!!!!!

EH!!!!!! YOU GET NO CHOICE!!! GET YOUR POKAKU PO'O OUT HEA ALREADY!!

OKEYDOKES!!

Now, Russell!!!! Just wat da frick is dis "Eh, dis is July, muss mean Christmas" BS!!?? How come you wen right dis?? an, juss wat is up wit da sunglasses already!??? Its already plenny dark out!!??

Well, Uncle,,, da christmas stuffs is cause all dose places on da mainland already stay sellin Christmas kine stuff, so, I wen figur we get one head staht right hea in Waimanalo!......

Okay, I guess I get em.... but, WTF is da dark glasses fo??

I get one ele maka.........

WAT!!!!??? somebody wen punch you in da eye?

YEPS!!

Who?? Was Natan?????

Nopes,,,,

Da 22 cousins?

Nopes,,,,

Captain Frietis????

Nopes,,,,

Carmen????

Nopes,,,,

Harry at Harrys Underwater Bar????

Nopes,,,,

Well, I give up already!!!!!! Juss who wen punch your maka???

Was da ex ex ex almos was da kine future ex girlfrien!!!

An,,, juss why she wen punch you in da eye? You was lookin at one oddah wahine???

Nopes,,,,

Wen forget for get teriyaki chicken at Harrys?

Nopes,,,,

Wasn wearin da new opihi pickahs from ala moana?

Nopes,,,,

Alright!!!! I stay giv up already!!!!! juss why she wen punch your maka???

One of her keiki sistahs, like numbah tree, wen come home from one date an was smellin juss like Eau De Russell.......

You mean she was smellin like dat junk cologne stuff you wen make dat smells like Harrys teriyaki chicken???

Eh,,, Uncle!!!! Dat stuff is not "junk"!!! It's "Eau De Russell", da manly cent fo bring out da animal in your wahine!!!!!

Russell, da only animal dat da stuff brings out is evry stray cat in Waimanalo!!

Well, maybe, I still stay workin on da fine tuning fo da stuff, but da humane society already wen order two cases,,,,

Wat? Of da newer stuffs?

No. Da original. Day stay catchin all kine stray cats wit da stuff, even up in Kailua!

Well... Who would have tunk dat? So, juss how come da ex ex ex almos was da kine future ex girlfriens keiki sistah #3 was smellin lye "Eau De Russell" anyways?

Cause, she wen go out wit hanai cousin numbah 19 an he wen borrow one of my aloha shirts, you know, da one wit no mo da puka sleeve and da beer bottles all over it??

UUUURRRRRPPPPP!!!!!! SCUZE ME!!!!!! DID I HERE SOMEBODY SAY BEER????!!!!!!!!

EH!!! CAPTAIN FRIETIS!! JUSS WAT YOU DOING UP HEA!!

Looking for my brand new 1937 DC3!! Haven't, uuuurrrrpppp, scuze me, seen one, have you??

Nopes! Juss what wen happen to your plane?

i'm not too sure,,,,, i was flying along just fine, there was a bright flash of light, thought I saw Barry Santos surrounded by a bunch of short fat green guys with long skinny arms for a second,,, and then,,,,,, POOF!!!!!! Here i am!!!!? Makes a guy awful thirsty, this ET stuff, wouldn't happen to have a cold,,, uuuurrrrpppp, scuze me, beer in the carport fridge, would you, Uncle Lolo??

Sure, juss help yourself,,,, AN KEEP TRACK!!!! DA STUFF AINT CHEAP!

Eh, Uncle, dats not much Christmas spirit!!!!

Russell, it's only July!,,,,,,,

I know,,, but on da mainland, day already stay tinkin it's Christmas,,,,,

Okay, okay, okay already!! Captain Frietis,,, juss go ahead an help yourself.......

Heavy on the mahalos Uncle Lolo!!! Now,,, lets see,, one beer for every day until Christmas,,, it's,, uuuurrrrpppp, scuze me,,,, July now, add August, September, Octo

EH!!!!! FRIETIS!!!!!!! DON'T HUKI YOUR LUCK!!!!!! Okay, so, Russell, juss where was we,,,,

Uncle, Christmas in July,,, juss tell em what you stay get dis year!!

Okeydokes!!!! Well, as we all no, it's 2:27 in da am's up hea by da quarry in lovely Waimanalo, where, for da firs time evah, in Nalo town anyways, we, dat is me, Uncle Lolo, goin half da special christmas in July da kine early specials....an, what can say Christmas more dan one wreet,, you no, da kine wreath dat you put on da front door fo dat special Christmas spirit affects!!!! An wat is more ono dan one christmas wreet, made right hea in lovely Waimanalo town, an made out of 100 percen Mokapuu limu an ogo!!! Dats right!!!! 100 percen limu!!! 100 percen ogo!!!! as in seeweed!!!!! Eh, it's colorful, delightful, a real eye pleaser, an, mos of all, is practical!!!!!!!!!!! you get guest ovah for christamas luau, you run out of limu or ogo for make poke??? too busy for drive all da way to Mels Market!!!!!!! don no wat to do????? you stay panicin already!!!!!!!! eh!!!! no sweat em!!!! JUSS PICK DA LIMU AN OGO OFF YOUR CHRISTMAS WREET, RIGHT ON DA FRONT DOOR, AN YOU IS ALL SET!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOW ONO IS DAT!!!!!???????? DON'T EVEN ASK!!!!!!!!!!! course, dis wreet not goin last all by itself, so, juss go down to da ocean, an let em soak for a few hours every day,,,,,, course, maybe you stay tinkin, "eh, I know more da time for go down to da kahao'ne all da time an soak my Christmas wreet... jus wat I goin do??" Well, laulau head, no sweat dat one eeder!!!! For only one slight additional charge, one of my 22 nephews, all fully licensed ogo an limu trainers right hea in da state of Hawaii, goin take care of dat for you,,, an, if you drive one Acura or Honda, you may qualify for one special da kine discount!!!!!! So, ack now on dis great deal, an, da price of dis is sooooooo low,,,, dat,, I muss be????,,,,,,,,? Try guess em??? Only thirty tree dollah five sixty seven wit slight additional charge of only two hunred dollah for shippin!!!!!! Is dat one great deal or what???? So, ack now!!!!! An, now, onto our nex great Christmas in July deal!!!!!!! An,,, our nex great deal is,,,,,,,,,,, our nex great deal is,,,,,,,, try wait,,,, EH!!!!!!!! RUSSELL!!!!!!!!!!!

Aloha an okolemaluna

[Holonalu]

Eh!!!!! It stay all da kine malie, as in still, out dis mornin or wat???! No makani, like, (an dats not like like leeke you lau lau brain!), wind, at all! An da weadah man stay sayin we goin get one hurricane or sumpin lie dat,,, juss wat does dat pupule no anyways??? Well, it stay 2:27 in da ams up hea by da quarry in lovely Waimanalo, Russell was juss by fo borrow some kala, as in money, cause he lie take da ex ex ex almos was da kine future ex girlfren to Harrys Underwater Poolbar and restraunt fo some teriyaki chicken an maybe a beer,,,

DID I HEAR SOMEBODY SAY,,, UUUURRRRPPPP,,,,, SCUZE ME,,,, BEER???

CAPTAIN FRIETIS!!!!! JUSS WAT YOU DOIN UP HEA??!

I'M HERE TO DO THE WEATHER, UUUURRRRPPPP,,,, SCUZE ME, REPORT!!!

CAPTAIN FRIETIS,,, NO NEED SHOUT ALREADY!!!!

Okeydokes,,,,,,, you know something Uncle Lolo, all this shouting can make a temporarily out of work DC3 pilot real thirsty!!! You wouldn't happen to have any cold,,, uuuurrrrpppp,,, scuze me, beer in the carport fridge,,, would you?

Shoots Captain Frietis, go head, help youself,,,, Tell me, isn Barry Santos sposed to do da weadah report dis mornin along wit Mits Funai?

Yea, he's supposed to,,,, but, as usual, he was caught sleeping on his,,, uuuurrrrpppp,,, scuze me, stomach again by the aliens, and they just couldn't seem to resist, last word from him was the old, "NOT AGAIN!!!!!" followed by, "ANYTHING BUT THAT!!!!!!!!"... You know how those aliens can be when it comes to probes and things like that,,,,,,,,,

Nopes, Captain Frietis, can't say that I do,,,, Well, anyways, as I was da kine sayin, it stay 2:27 in da ams hea in lovely Waimanalo town, whea da new sayin is, "life is just like a can of SPAM, witout da key"

And, just what does that,, uuuurrrrpppp, scuze me, mean,, Uncle Lolo?

No one seems to know, Captain Frieitis.... Well, as I was sayin,,,,,,,you no, sometimes tings in life can be hahd, juss lie one pohaku, as in rock, an you stay havin one hahd time juss unerstandin wat certain tings mean,,, lie, as Russell always stay askin me, "juss how come da ex ex ex almos was da kine future ex girlfren loves teriyaki chicken so much?",,, well, who nos? An I dont mean Hu over at da kitchen at Harrys, all dat Hu nos is da secret teriyaki recipe, or, juss why is it dat Waimanalo town is always so luvly?? Well, da ansa to dat one is da kine easy,,,,, Waimanalo town IS lovely...or, da quesion dat is always buggin your okole, juss wat are people sayin bout me behine my ku'a, as in back!!!!!! CAUSE, YOU NO WAT???!! DAT CAN REALLY BUG YOU!!!!! An, lets juss say, dea is always somebody watchin you ku'a, as in 24x7,,,

You know something Uncle,,, thats almost enough,,, uuuurrrrpppp, scuze me,,, beer, to last a whole week!

Whats enough????

24 times,,,, uuuurrrrpppp, scuze me, 7, thats seven cases of beer, one case a day,,,,,, yeps, that should about do it,,,,,unless,,,,,, of course,, there's a hurricane,,,,,,,,, think you might be running a little short here Uncle!!!

CAPTAIN FRIETIS, JUSS WHAT DA FRICK ARE YOU TALKIN BOUT NOW!!!

Well, with the possible hurricane, your,,, uuuurrrrpppp, scuze me, beer supply, may be a little inadequate,,,,,

Captain, dats not even wat i stay talkin bout!!!!! So, somebody stay watchin your ku'a all da time, an day even stay talkin bout you,, an you hea em,,,, all da time,,,,, but no can unerstan a word day stay saying!!!!! Is day speakin da kine Chinese?????? DONE TINK SO!!!!!! Is day talkin da kine Germans????? KINE OF DOUT IT!!!!!! Day talkin haole??? NOPES!!!! YOU NO WHY???? CAUSE IF BUNCH OF HAOLES WAS TALKIN STINK BOUT YOU BEHINE YOUR KU'A, YOUD TROW BLOWS!!!!! Well, maybe not,,,, BUT LEASS YOU'D NOTICE!!!!!! KINE OF HAHD NOT TO WEN PLENNY KINE PEOPLES STAY TALKIN HAUNA, AS IN STINK, BEHINE YOUR BACK!!!! But, wat if day is not even people???? Get my drift?? Wat if day is sumpin else all togedah????!! Wat if day not even human kine beins!!!! An dont worry, not talkin bout Barry Santos an his alien pilikia, if you goin sleep on your stomach in Kailua you kine of stay askin fo it anyways,,,,,,, what if da guys who stay talkin stink bout you is,,,,,,,,, try guest em,,,, cause you no dis one already,,,,,,,! GECKOS!!!!!!!! DATS RIGHT!!!!!!!1 (how'd dat 1 get in dea again,, well,, nevah mine dat) GECKOS!!!!!! HECK,,,, DOSE CEILIN CRAWLIN MOA'S NO EVRYTING YOU DO!!!!!!! DAY AN NIGHT DAY IS WATCHIN YOU!!!!!! LISTENEN TO YOU!!!!! TINKIN BOUT YOU!!!!! HOPIN YOU LEAVE DA SCREEN DOOR OPEN!!!!! PRAYIN FOR ONE FRUITYFLY INVASION!!! WISHIN YOU WOULDN ADOPT ONE MO STRAY POPOKI!!!!! AS IN CAT!!!!!!! An juss wat is dose geckos sayin bout you??? PLENNY!!! BUT YOU KNOW CAN UNERSTAN!!!!! WHY NOT??????!! CAUSE,,,,,, YOU KNOW SPEAK DA KINE GECKOESE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WELL???????????????????? WHO DOES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! KIMOJIMO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DATS RIGHT!!!!!!!! RIGHT HEA, IN MY CARPORT,,,,, KIMOJIMO,,,, ALONG WIT DA HELP OF HIS S.O.,, AN PLENNY OF OKOLEHAU AN AWA JUICE,,, CAN NOW UNERSTAN DA KINE GECKOESE!!!!! AN, FOR ONE LIMITED TIME,,,,, YOU TOO, CAN LEARN HOW FO NOT ONLY SPEAK,,,,,, BUT,,,,,,, UNNERSTAN GECKOESE!!!!!!

WE'RE SORRY TO HAVE TO BREAK INTO THIS GREAT RADIO PROGRAM, BUT WE HAVE A LATEBREAKING NEWS FLASH,,,THIS IS MITS FUNAI, RIGHT HERE ON THE NALO NEWS!!!! WHERE, IF YOU DIDN'T HERE IT HEAR FIRST,,, YOU ARE MORE THAN LIKELY WITH BARRY SANTOS!!!!!! HEADING WHO KNOWS WHERE!!!!! AND BEING PROBED IN THE PROCESS!!!!!!!!! SO, WITH OUR LATEST, AND I DO MEAN LATE, NEWS, WE GO LIVE, TO CAPTAIN FRIETIS!!!!!!! CAPTAIN FRIETIS,,,,?

Well, thank you, Mits Funai!!!! This is Captain,,, uuuurrrrpppp,,, scuze me, Frietis, broadcasting live, from right here in lovely Waimanalo town,, where we are anxiously awaiting the possible arrival of hurricane Felacio, which is expected to blow our way,,,,

EXCUSE ME!!!! EXCUSE ME!!!!! CAPTAIN FRIETIS!!!!!!!! THIS IS MITS FUNAI!!! ISN'T THAT SUPPOSED TO BE, "HURRICANE FELICIA?"

It says Felacio right here!!!! Maybe its a,, uuuurrrrpppp,,, scuze me, typo,,, well, as I was reporting,,, hurricane Felacio is supposed to give us a quick blow job,,, sometime Monday,,,,

EXCUSE ME!!!!! EXCUSE ME!!!!!! CAPTAIN FRIEITS,,, THIS IS MITS FUNAI ONCE AGAIN!!!!! ARE YOU SURE THAT THE REPORT SAYS "BLOW JOB?" AND, JUST WHO WROTE THAT REPORT???

I don't think Hu had anything to,, uuuurrrrpppp, scuze me, do with it,,,,

Well,, Captain Frietis, do you have any advice as to how one should prepare for a possible hurricane??

Yes.... First, you should make sure that you have plenty of ice,,, to keep perishables cold.. You should also make sure that your refridgerator and freezer are set at their coldest settings. Also make certain that you have at least enough stored liquids to keep you and your family properly hydrated for at least four to seven days in the event of possible road closures and power outages,,,, in some cases, you may also want to stock up on,,, my,,,, it's been a long time since I last burped..... Well, as I was saying, you may also want to stock up on,,,, uuuurrrrpppp, scuze me, (forget that not burping in a while part), beer, which, as we all know, is the perfect source for not only hydration, but also dehydration,,,, who would have thought it.... Mits,, back to,,,, uuuurrrrrpppp, scuze me, you!!!!!

to be, uuuurrrrpppp, scuze me, continued.......

[Holonalu]

Eh!!!! You no watt? Is nice out tonight or is it nice out dis tonight?? Get da moon juss goin down ovah Rabbit Island, Jupiter is shinin lie ready for explode or somethin already, an, bess of all, get da makani iki, small kine tradewinds, juss barely blowin, keepin evryting all cool an not iki iki, as in hot an humid!!! Yep, dis is da bess kine time for stay up at da quarry hea in lovely Nalo Town, where evryting is da kine malie, nice an calm an relaxed. But, dont get two relaxed already, cause, you no what is comin up already? DA HOLIDAYS!!!!!!!! DATS RIGHT!!!!!! Eh, you no, seems lie only yesterday was da holidays, but, hea we go again!!!!!!! An, what holiday come firs, Halloween of course!!!!! Well, maybe not really one holiday lie da kine holiday, not lie Tanksgivin, or Christmas, New Years, or even SuperBowl Sunday,, but, in it's own way, Halloween stay one holiday!!!! Kine if like one pre-holiday, you no, practice kine, whea evrybody get ready for get into da holiday mood!!!!! But, only one pilikia iki, as in minor kine problem, Halloween is only fo da keikis! Dats right, juss fo da kids!! Not dat deres anyting wrong wit dat, seein all dose Nalo kids dressed up in da costumes, goin house to house, gettin candy an stuff, nottin wrong wit dat at all..... But, what bout da grownups??? Ya no, juss how much chocolate can day handle??? What wit all da exercise, ya know, walkin da keikis all ovah Nalo town, you can bet dose adults goin need sometin for eat two, an not juss candy!!!!! WELL, DO WE, DAT IS ME, UNCLE LOLO,,,,, (hey, knew was me all along,,,,yeh!?) HAVE DA ANSA FOR ALL YOUR TRICK OR TREAT ADULT NOURISHMENTS FOR WHEN YOU STAY ON DAT HALLOWEEN MARATON!!!!!!! CHOCOLATE COVERED FOOT LONG REDONDOS SUPER SPICY PORTUGESE SUASAGE DEEP FRIED IN MALASADA BATTER!!!!!!!!! WHAT PUTS DA OW!! IN HALLOWEEN MOREE DAN DAT!!!!!!!!!!! NUTTIN!!!!!! Dats right!!!!! You no, dis Halloween, you goin be out walkin da kids, hey, one half hour, one hours, eh,maybe even two hours!!!!!! dats if you make is all da way to Kailua!!!!!!! BUT WHY WOULD ANYONE WANNA GO UP DERE!!!!!!!!! An, your opu, as in stomach, goin be screamin,,,,, "FEED ME!!!!!!!! FEED ME!!!!!!!!", kine of lie dat giant plumeria in da horror movie was eatin evryting it could bet its hands on,,, (eh!!! plumerias get hands????) Well, when da opu talks, specially screams, you bettah lissen!!!!! An, da chocolate covahed portugee malasada batterd suasage, on a handy string,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, string,,,... string?????!!!!!!!! try wait,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, HEY!!!!!!! RUSSELL!!!!!!!!! GET OUT HEA ALREADY!!!!!!!!

WHAT!!!!!!!! I STAY TRYIN ON MY HALLOWEEN COSTUME!!!!!

WELL, GET OUT HEA ANYWAY!!!!!!!

CAN'T!!!!! ITS BAD LUCK IF SOMEBODY SEE ME IN MY HALLOWEEN COSTUME BEFORE HALLOWEEN!!!!!!

WELL, YOUR LUCK GOIN BE MORE WORSE YOU KNOW GET OUT HEA,,,, NOW!!!!!!!!

Okay, okay already, I stay comin out!!!

Geeeeeezzzzzz, Russell, what da frick is dat sposed to be????? you look lie one giant chicken dat went get run ovah or sometin!!!!!! An whats dat smell?????

Its my Halloween costume, me an da ex ex ex almos was da kine future ex-girlfrien stay goin to da Halloween Costume pahty at Harry's Underwater Bar, Hotel an Restaurant, an I'm goin as one giant teriyaki chicken!!!!

An wats dat smell???

It's da new, improved, an soon to be available to da general public, eau de Russell, "Da latest manly mans scent, dat is gaurens to bring out da gamey bird in you!!!!"

Russell, dat stuff is pilau nui, as in stinks, an da only ting it stay bringin out is every stray cat in da quarry!!!! Taught ypu wen fix dat already??

Yeh! I taught so two, maybe juss a little two much friskies buffet dis time?

You put cat food in da "Eau De Russell?"

Yeh,,,, Mels was out of chicken,,....

Dat xplains da more cats dan normal,,,, So, juss wat is da ex ex ex almos was da kine future ex girlfren goin as???

She goin as one hungry wahine wit a knife an fork who hasnt had teriyaki chicken fo days,,,,,,

Bet dat makes you a little da kine nervous!!!

Not really,, Harry wen promise one big teriyaki chicken buffet at da pahty, so, I not two nervous,,,,, Hey, Uncle, why you wen yell fo me anyways????

Oh yeh!!!! Whats wit dis portugese sausage on a string deal. taught it was sposed to be chocolate covahed malasada dough deep fried portugee sausage on one stick????

Yeh, was.... but I had fo use all da sticks for make da costume, so, I wen figur string was juss as good.

Well, guess so, maybe can juss tie da sausage roun da neck, dat way no loose em already.... So, gotta pau da avertisements,,,,,,,, SO, ACK NOW!!!!! DON MISS OUT ON DIS GREAT DEAL!!!!! DON GO HUNGRY WEN WALKIN DA KEIKIS ON HALLOWEEN NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AN, AS ONE SPECIAL BONUS,,,, WE GOIN TRO IN NOT ONE,, NOT TOO, HECK, NOT EVEN TREE!!!!!!!! BUT ONE HALVE DOZEN SUPER SUPER HOT PORTUGEE SAUSAGE!!!!!!! DESE SUCKAHS IS SOOO HOT,,, WE EVEN GOIN FILL EM WIT BEER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BEER?????????!!!!! DID I HEAR SOMEBODY, UUUURRRRPPPP, SCUZE ME, SAY BEER??????????

Eh!!! Captain Frietis!! What you stay doin up hea by da quarry??

Well, the nephews, all 22 of them, are painting my brand new 1938 DC3.

Why dey painting your plane? Taught you was juss going leave em da kine aluminium color??

I, uuuurrrrpppp, scuze me, was, but the nephews thought it would be a good idea to paint the plane in the holiday colors, you know, paint a big orange pumpkin on the side, and then paint all kinds of green leaves and vines on it, so it will blend into the backround a little better.

Why you want em to blend in?

Well, they've hired FART to fly them down to Hana, you know, over on Maui, to pick up some agricultural goods, and then fly back here. They seem to think that a little camoflauge might be in order.

Why is dat?

You know, I'm not really sure,, but they insisted, and, what the heck, they're paying for the paint, and doing all the work, plus, they're paying me about 2 BPH, so I coulcn't, uuuurrrrpppp, scuze me, resist..

What the heck is 2BPM????

Thats 2 beers per mile, or just about, we haven't really worked out the details yet, they seem to be in a bit of a hurry... Something to do with getting down there right before Halloween, landing in this big field out by Hamoa Beach, loading up the agricultural goods, and getting out of there in a hurry.. They seem to think that certain agencies will be otherwise occupied....

What agencies are those??

Must be the FAA, although, I seem to recall them saying something about the DEA, must be a branch of the FAA that I'm not familiar with...

Isn't your brand new 1938 DC3 da kine legal an all dat?

Yep!!! Sure is!! Roscoe from Roscoes AutoBody and Body Shop just slapped a new safety sticker on it last week, so, except for the missing cargo door,,, it's good to fly anywhere!!

Taught you nevah like fly ovah da water??

Normally I don't, makes me kind of seasick... But, at 2BPM, which I figure works out to just about 978 beers, it should be worth it...Speaking of, uuuurrrrpppp, scuze me, beer, think I'll have a little look in the fridge here,,,,,, WTF!!!!!! WHERE IN THE HECK DID ALL THESE PORTUGESE SAUSAGES COME FROM!!!!!!

It's da newest special from da Lolo intranet da kine store!!! Da cold beer is in da fridge labeled FART...

How'd that get up here??? Brand new and everything?

Da nephews wen bring em up,,, said day want to keep Captain Frietis happy....

Why is that??

Day said, juss in case,,,,

I'll say!!!!! Theres all kinds of, uuuurrrrpppp, scuze me, cases in here!!!!

So, Captain Frietis,, juss watt you goin dress up fo on Halloween?

I'm going as President Busch....

Don't you mean Presdient Bush?

Heck no!!!! I mean President Augustus Busch. of Anhauser Busch,,, you know,,, the makers of Budwesier,, Bud Light,, Michelob,, all kinds of,,uuuurrrrpppp, scuze me,,, famous beers!!

Taught you wen mean da ex-president, George Bush..

No, definitely not!!!!! In fact, I never would have voted for George way back in 1999 if I hadn't thought he was actually Augustus!! Not that it would have counted anyway,,,, I wonder just what those folks down in Florida are, uuuurrrrpppp, scuze me, drinking??? I mean, even after a few, I still know how to count!!

So, Captain Frietis,, you goin go out trick an treat as Augustus Busch??

Well, I'm not really going to trick or treat,,, I'm going to more like,,, inspect, taste and judge....

Inspect, taste and judge what??

BEER!!!!!!! I'm going to go from door to door, right here in lovely Waimanalo town, and inspect refridgerators for proper temperature setting, then taste whatever beer they happen to have inside, and then judge the quality of the beer.. Pretty demanding work, suspect I'll be up most of the night!!!

An, juss how you no which house get da beer??

Well, between talking with Russell, Nathan and Mel from Mels Market up the road, I pretty much know whos a beer, uuuurrrrpppp, scuze me, drinker, and who isn't,,, plus, I can usually spot a car full of beer being unloaded in Nalo town.

How is dat??

When the port side engine flames out I kind of have to dive just a bit to put out the fire, gives me a real good birds eye view of whats going on in town!!

An, who normally get da bestess selection of beer??

Kawika Olopewahanui!!! By far, hands down, the best variety of beers in all of Waimanalo!!!

An, why is dat?

Something to do with him trying to keep all the young men from going after his seven daughters.... Who would have thought it? I mean what are the odds of having one set of triplets, and two sets of twins, all identical, and all taking after there mother, who was, after all, Miss Waimanalo four years in a, uuuurrrrpppp, scuze me, year!!

Yea, I know bout dat, but how does Kawika figur givin all da young boys beer is goin slow em down???

Kawika puts a lttle awa juice inside the beer after a few, the young guys can hardly even move, so Kawika can relax a bit..

Yea,, but don't da kids wonder why the beer tastes kind of funny?

Yep, they normally do,,, but he just tells them it's because the beer is expensive and imported, thats why it tastes different,, seems to work, I've been over there a few times and seen some 8 or 9 young guys stiif as logs in the carport, just staring off into space,, and Kawika sitting there with a big grin on his face!!!

You evah wen try da awa juice and beer before?

Yep, had about 10 of them one, uuuurrrrpppp, scuze me, time.

An wat wen happen?

Nothing.... Just walked back down to Bellows and washed my plane,,, really kind of ticked off those Air Force guys......Speaking of washing, mind if I have another,,, uuuurrrrpppp, scuze me, beer?

Shoots, help yourself, get your name on da fridge, well, da F part anyway.... Eh, whos dat walkin up da path???

I'm not sure,,,, looks like some blond haired haole kid carrying a surfboard???? Kind of early for trick or treating if you, ,uuuurrrrpppp, scuze me, ask me??!!

YO!!!!!! DUDES!!!!!!!!!!HEY!!!!!!!!! DUDES!!!!DOWN HERE MAN!!!!!!! DUDES,, DOES DOCTOR SHAKA LIVE UP HERE!!!!!!!!!

Auwe,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,is dat who I tink it is????? You aren't da way cool Pomona surfer dude, are you????

YO!!!!!! DUDE!!!!! YOU ARE 100 PERCENT RIGHTODITTO ON THAT ONE!!!!!!! THE WAY TOO COOL POMONA SURF DUDE!!!!!!! MAGNET TO ONOLISCIOUS BABES AND 2 FOOT BARREL TUBE SURFER, TOKER OF SOME OF THE MOST RIGHTEOUS GANJA THIS SIDE OF THE PACIFIC OCEAN!!!!!!! ARE YOU DOCTOR SHAKA????!

No, surfer dud, I'm not da kine Doctor Shaka,,,,

YO!!!!!!! DUDE!!!!!!! YOU MUST BE DOCTOR SHAKA!!!!!!!! I WAS LIKE ASKIN THIS DUDE DOWN AT THE BOTTOM OF THE HILL, YOU KNOW, THE HOUSE WITH THE OLD AIRPLANE PARKED OUT FRONT,, THEY SAID YOU LIVED WAAAYYYYYYYY UP AT THE TOP!!!!!!!!!!!! LIKE,,,,, WAAAYYYYY HIGH UP THERE!!!!!!!! AND, DUDE,,,,, I HAVEN'T BEEN THIS HIGH IN,,,,,LIKE,,,,,,,DAYS!!!!!!!! SMOKED SOME WAAAYYYYYY TOO COOL NALO PURPLE BUDS WITH THESE LOCAL DUDES, THERES LIKE 22 OF EM, I THINK,,,,,,,,,,,, CAN'T REALLY COUNT THAT WELL RIGHT NOW!!!!!!! BUT THESE 22 DUDES, THEY'RE,,, LIKE PAINTING THIS OLD AIRPLANE,, WITH A PUMPKIN ON THE SIDE,,, AND ALL KINDS OF GREENERY AND WAAAYYYYY COOL STUFF!!!!!!!! I WAS LIKE,,,, TRIPPIN MAN!!!!!!!! I MEAN, WHERE ELSE BUT IN HAWAII WOULD YOU FIND DUDES PAINTING AN OLD AIRPLANE!!!!!!!!!! SO, WHERE'S DOCTOR SHAKA!??????????

You juss wen miss em,,, he wen down da hill already,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

YO!!!!!! DUDE!!!!!!! BUMMERZ ALREADY!!!! BUT, MAN, THAT WEED DOWN THERE REALLY HAS ME LIKE TRIPPIN MAN!!!!!! SAW ONE GIANT CHICKEN THAT SMELLED LIKE OLD TERIYAKI SAUCE WALKIN DOWN THE HILL!!!!!! I WAS LIKE,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,WHOOOO!!!!!! I'M HALLUCINATING!!!!!! AND SEEING THINGS AT THE SAME TIME!!!!!!! I MEAN, LIKE, HOW COOL IS THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



to be continued, weather permitting





[/b]

[Holonalu]

Well, you no wat? Is one more beautiful da kine mornin hea in lovely Waimanalo town, why, up hea by da quarry, get juss one little breeze, juss eough for keep evryting nice an huihui, as in cool, but, not so cool dat you need one jacket, noooooo,,, nuttin lie dat, juss cool enough for one puka aloha shirt, you know, da kine wit all kine flowers on em, an maybe hula dancers, couple palm trees maybe, you know...... juss da right kine for one huihui early mornin in Waimanalo town,... whea, right now, it stay 227 in da am's, always seems to be dat time up hea by da quarry,, why dat is, who knows? Anyways,, case you nevah wen guess em already, an shame on you if you didn't, dis is Nalo towns one, and only, and totally irreplaceable, Uncle Lolo, on da intranet da kine radio ting dis mornin, an, I no, you probably stay askin yourself,,,,,, "Hey,,,, Unlce!!!!! Wat special da kine ting you get fo us dis mornin,, an, more importantly,,, WHEA DA FRICK YOU BEEN ALREADY!!!!!!?....Well, I goin ansa da second question wit,,,,, try wait,,,,,,,,,,,,,,you goin love dis one,,, DIS MORNINS SPECIAL PRODUCT!!!!!! ONLY VAILABLE HEA AT UNCLE LOLOS INTRANET DA KINE STORE!!!!! WHEA,,, OUR MOTTO IS,,,,,,IF YOU DON NEED IT,, WE PROBABLY HAVE IT ON BACKORDER!!!!!! EHHH!!!!! HOW GREAT IS DAT???!! NO EVEN ASK!!!!!. Well, no more messin round, lets juss get right to it....... You no, plenny of you po'e, as in folks,, or close enuff anyways,, half live hea in Hawaii for long time already, maybe 10 yeas, 20 yeas,,,, ehhh,, maybe you all da kine makule already, an wen live you hole life hea!!!! Maybe you been aroun, you no,,,, Waikiki,,, Kapolei,,,,,,, Kailua,, try wait.................foget Kailua,, nephews still not allowed dea,, course, dat doesnt stop em from goin... Maybe you even been Maui, or Molokai,,, nephew Nathan stay come from dae,,,, Ehh, maybe you even been mainland... Point is, you been hea long time,, an, maybe you staht takin Hawaii fo granted, da beaches, da grinds, da ocean,, but, mos of all, maybe you staht takin da people for granted, maybe you don smile lie you used to, maybe you no trow da shaka wen you stay drivin an somebody let you on da road,,, maybe you no give da po'e da maka shaka, you no da kine whea you juss raise da eyebrows and give da little grin,, kine of Magnum style,, eh,,, maybe you jus wen foget whea you live????? an how special dis place is,,,,,,, welllllllllllllllllllll??????? maybe you need a little reminder,, an, if dat is da case,,,, do we,,, I mean I,, have a great...............................

UUUURRRRPPPP,,,, SCUZE ME,,,, DID I HEAR SOMEBODY SAY CASE??????

AUWE!!!!! CAPTAIN FRIETIS!!!!!!! YOU JUSS WEN SCARE DA KUKAE RIGHT OUT OF ME!!!!!!!!!! WAT YOU STAY DOIN UP HEA!!!?

Well,, I have a new part time job,, working for HECO,

You mean da lectric company?

Yep,, thats right.... I'm checking for homes that may be using too much electricity.

Isn it a little late, or early,, for you to be da kine workin already?

Yes,, it is, but I figured a little overtime couldn't hurt, and I had to meet the 22 nephews down at,,, uuuurrrrpppp,, scuze me,,, the Doctors earlier...

Juss wat you get goin on wit da nephews?

A little transportation of some agricultural products from Hana Maui.

An juss whea you stay takin dese products?

I'm not sure yet.... As I was saying,, my new job with HECO requires me to check for obvious sources of electrical waste,, you know, air condtioning running all the time,

Captain Frietis,, we no even get AC up hea, no need, get da makani kama'aina, tradewinds.

Well, how about your water heater,, those can eat up a lot of wattage?

Nopes,, get old fashion kine sola water heater,,, plenny hose stretched out on da roof,, not perfec but good enuff..

How about the electric range?

We no more,, juss get da BBQ and da imu, an one coleman stove, nuff already..

How about your refridgerator? Now those can account for about 20% of your electrical bill, especially if the coils are dirty or the gasket is broken...
Seeing as I came all the way up here, and am on company time,, perhaps I should make a quick inspection of your fridge??

Shoots, Captain,, go right ahead...

Well,,,,, I'll be,, there seems to be quite a few,,,, uuuurrrrpppp,, scuze me,,, cold beers in here!!!!!! Mind f I do a quick tempature check??

Captain,, deas a termometer right on da top shelf,, I always keep da fridge set at 42 degrees, no wan da milk for go bad, stuff is too spensive...but try em if you like..

THE,,, UUUURRRRPPPP, SCUZE ME,, MILKKKKK???!!!!!!!

No, da beer!!!!!!!!

Wheeewww!!!!! You really scared me there for a minute!!!!! Well,,,, (pop),,, lets give this a try..........................Seems okay,, of course, at HECO, we pride ourselves on being thorough, perhaps one more??

Help yourself Captain!! Deas plenny... Hanai nephew Russell wen get a whole bunch from da Seven Eleven stoh...

God Bless that young man!!! Hows he doing by the way?

He wen get one promotion down da seven leven store, tink hes now da assistant assistant to da general manager, or da assistant managers first assisant? I not sure, dat store is plenny confusing!!

Does he get more,, uuuurrrrpppp,, scuze me,, money?

Nopes,,,, juss one big discount on all kine store stuff... you know,,, spam, vienna sausage,, soda,, pineapple/chocolate slurrpies, but no more kala, no more money..

Does he get a big discount on beer?

Oh yea,,, lie almos what da store pays for it, sometimes even a little less...

Well,, money isn't everything.... How does he get beer for less than what the store pays for it?

I tink if it doesn't sell in a certain amount of time, day have to get rid of it.. Day say it goes bad, kine of like poi going sour, people juss won't like it, so Russell gets it fo nex to nuttin, otherwise day juss trow it out!!

THROW IT,,,,, UUUURRRRPPPP!!!!!!!,,,, SCUZE ME!!!!!!,,, OUT!!!!!!!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!!!!!?

Nopes, dats wat day do.. dat beer you drinkin right now was goin to be trown away!!!! Tell me,, does it tatse oaky to you?

Welllllll.... cant't really tell after only 3,,, perhaps a further investigation is called for???

Go ahed Captain Frietis,, help yourself, plenny mo whea at came from...

That,, Uncle,, is precisely why I looovve walking up here!!!

You wen walk all da way from Shakas??

Nope... one of the nephews gave me a lift, but only part way,, thought he saw a cop ahead, so he dropped me off about a quarter mile down....

Taught i wen hea one Acura or Honda comin up da mountain.

So, Uncle, just what are you working on selling this morning?

AUWE!!!! I ALMOS WEN FOGET!!! Dats right,,,, so, back to dis mornins special deal.... As I was sayin, maybe you wen be hea, in Hawaii, fo too long,, an you stay takin da place fo granted, maybe you even wen foget how fo ack, you know,, ack local,, relaxed, plenny Aloha,,,.. Well, if you wen foget,, wat you need do? You need be reminded,, dats what, you need be reminded juss how special Hawaii is!! An, you stay askin,,, "Unlce, juss what can remind me of how special Hawaii is?"... Well, I going tell you wat, wat makes you remember how special place Hawaii is???? ONE MONT IN NEW YORK CITY!!!!!! RIGHT FRIGGIN DOWNTOWN!!!!!! GET DA STUCK UP NO EVAH SMILE NEW YORKERS,, ALL PISS OFF ALL DA TIME,,, ALWAYS IN ONE HURRY!!!!! GIVIN YOU STINK EYE LIE YOU JUSS WEN FAHT OR SUMPTIN IF YOU EVEN STAY TINKIN BOUT SAYIN HOWZIT!!!! AN NOT JUSS A FEW OF EM!!!! NOPE,, HUNREDS OF EM!!!! ALL IN ONE LITTLE SPOT!!!! AN, YOU NOT ONLY GET DA ALL TICK OFF NEW YORKERS!!!!! YOU ALSO GET DA SMELLs!!!!!!! EH,, TRY GARBAGE MIX EM WIT SMOG AN CIGARETTS SMOKE AN CHEAP PERFUME, MAYBE TROW IN SOME BEER!!

Don't mind if I,, uuuurrrrpppp, scuze me,, do.....

AN NOISEY!!! DON FOGET DAT!!! HORNS HONKIN!!! TIRES SCREACHIN!!!! PEOPLE YELLIN ANYKINE BAD LANGAUGE!!!!! DOORS SLAMMIN!!! SIRENS SCREAMIN!!! CAH ALARMS GOING OFF!!!!! ONE WHOLE MONT OF DIS AN YOU GOING BE SO GLAD FO LIVE HAWAII DAT YOU NEVEH GOIN EVEN TINK BOUT LEAVIN AGAIN!!!! BUT WEIGHT!!!!!! AN NOT DA KINE YOU STAY TINKIN!!!! (maybe nex week????) I know you stay askin yourself,,, 'Hey!!!! Uncle Lolo,, dat sound lie one great idea!!!! But, I know can afford go all da way to New York City!!!! An, mo worse yet!!! I know can take one hole mont off work!!! Juss wat you goin do bout dat???",,, Well, aole hou,,, as in no sweat,, on dat!!!! Cause,, as always,,, Uncle Lolo has wen taught of evryting!!!!!! WHY BODDAH GO ALL THE WAY TO NEW YORK CITY!!!!! WEN WE CAN BRING nyc RIGHT TO YOU!!!!!! DATS RIGHT!!!!! HEAS WAT WE, DAT IS ME,, WEN DO!!!!! I wen get da basemen from Harrys Under Water Pool Bar an Restaurant,, you no, da basemen dat kine of smells all pilau to begin wit,, kine of lie old cabbage, cigar smoke,, beer,, (don even ask Captain, I busy), and stale teriyaki sauce.. Den I wen get some stage props from UH drama class,,, an some beat up cahs from da npehews, wen make some sidewalks,, hey!!! get storefonrts, streetsigns, an evryting!!! Juss like da real deal!!!! Roscoe from Roscoes AutoBody and Body shop,, da makers of Carmen ex-Bob, located conveninently in Kakaaako,, half even hooked up da exhaust from one old checy,, not enough exhaust to kill ya,, but juss nough to make you a little pilau in da opu,,, as in friggin sick!!!! But!!!! DATS NOT ALL!!!! WE ALSO WEN GET WORLD FAMOUS ACTOR,, kIMOJIMO,, AN HIS WORLD FAMOUS ACTIN TROUPE,, DA OKOLEHOW BOYS,, TO ACK JUSS LIE REAL OBNOXIOUS TICKED OFF NEW YORKERS!!!!! ACCENT AN ALL!!!!! DAY EVEN BLOW SMOKE RIGHT IN YOUR FACE!!!!!! EVEN SAY,,, "WHAT PAL!!! YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT!!!!!!!!" JUSS LIKE,, "EHHHHH, BRAH,, BODDAH YOU?!!!" BUT WITOUT DA ALOHA!!!!! REAL NEW YORK STYLE!!!! An now,,, you probably stay askin yourself,, "EHHH!!! Uncle Lolo,, I get one freind could really use dis!!! He's all da kine sayin stufff lie ' Hawaii juss not da same anymo!!!',, but, he no can spend one hole mont in one basements!!!!! Wat you can do bout dat!!!?" Ehhh!!!! aole pilikia,, as in no problem dea!!!!! You won spend on mont in da basement,, NOOOO!!!!!! Eh!!! Not even tree weeks!!! NOOOO!!!!!! You probably askin,,, "den two weeks,, maybe??" Aole to dat!!!!! Not two weeks, not even one week,,, juss two hours!!!!! DATS RIGHT!!!!! JUSS TWO HOURS!!!! TRY COUNT EM!!!!! AN,, IF YOU FROM KAILUA,, I GOIN GET YOU STAHTED ON DA COUNT!!!!!! ......ONE..............DATS RIGHT,, ONLY TWO HOURS IN DA BASEMENT!!!! DA REAL NEW YORK CITY BASEMENT!!!!! HOW WE,, I MEAN i,, GOIN DO DIS!!!!!! MAKE TWO HOURS JUSS LIE ONE MONT!!!!! WELL!!! ITS A SECRET!!!!!!!! JUSS LIE WHEA HAVE I BEEN!!!!! BUT,, IT DOES INVOLVE CERTAIN QUANTITIES OF RED BULL, ICE COFFEE,,,, AWA ROOT,,, OKOLEHAU,, AN JUSS A LITTLE AGRICULTURAL PRUDUCT FROM HANA,,, AN,, DA TIME WONT FLY,, CAUSE YOU WONT BE HALFIN ANY FUN!!!!!!! BUT,,, BRUDDAH!!!!! WILL YOU HALF FUN AFTAH DA TWO HOURS IS UP!!!!!! IF YOU CAN EVEN LASS DAT LONG!!!!!!!!CAUSE YOU GOIN REALIZE JUSS HOW GOOD YOU GET IT RIGHT HEA IN HAWAII!!!! AN, YOU GOIN BE SCARED OF BASEMENTS FOR DA RESS OF YOUR LIFE!!!! BUT!!! AOLE PILIKIA ON DAT TOO,,, CAUSE,, HOW MANY BASEMENTS WE GET IN HAWAII!!!!!??????????? NOT MANY!!!!! SO,, FO ONLY 199 0OLLAH,, DATS LESS DAN ONE HUNRED DOLLA AN HOUR, NOT BY MUCH!!!! BUT WHOS COUNTIN!!!!! YOU GOIN FALL IN LOVE WIT HAWAII ALL OVAH AGAIN!!!! IT'LL BE JUSS LIE YOU NEVAH EVEN WEN LEAVE!!!!!! CAUSE?????????????? YOU DIDNT!!!!!! SO,, ACK NOW!!!! DIS OFFAH AVAILABLE ONLY AS LONG AS KIMOJIMOS WIG HOLDS OUT!!!!!!!! Eh, Captain Frietis,, you still stay drinkin da beer??

Yep,, you know,, I really cant see why any,,,, uuuurrrrpppp, scuze me, body, would consider throwing away these perfectly good cans of Budweiser?????

Captain,,, dats a bottle of Heinikens you're drinkin!!

Funny, it tastes okay

Aloha,, eh, you no wat,, no be scared kine,, juss post sometin,,, weadah report, your cats favorite music,,,, eh,, anykine, gets lonely in hea.......................not really,,, EH!!!! CAPTAIN FRIETIS!!!!! CLOSE DA FRIDGE DOOR WEN YOU STAY WATERIN DA PLUMERIA!!!!!!! DAT GUY!!!! AUWE..............................